And the award for THE WORST GROOM OF THE CENTURY goes to…


English: Fingers Crossed

Image via Wikipedia

It was a few years back. The wedding was a few hours away from our Lagos office. We were recommended by the bride’s sister & did not meet the groom until the day of the traditional wedding.

The traditional wedding was slated to start by 12 noon. Usually 95% of traditional weddings we’ve covered do not start on time. The start time for this traditional wedding would break all records. After waiting for the arrival of the groom for what seemed to be an eternity, the groom finally showed up about 4 hours late.

I was so curious to meet such an interesting groom that would arrive that late for his wedding. I was more curious to know the reason for the lateness. If my memory is right, the reason wasn’t cogent enough for me to allocate a portion of my brain to it for remembrance.

I finally got to where he was waiting to be called in by the family of the bride. I was shocked. It was the first time I would meet a groom that was drinking alcohol & smoking at the same time on his wedding day. Maybe he was nervous. God knows. He was a chimney. He would brag about how many packs of cigarettes he could smoke in a 24 hour period. I should have checked the Guinness Book of World Records; he should be there somewhere.

With a bottle of whiskey on his left hand & a cigarette bud on his right he quizzed me. “So you’re the sucker that wants to empty my bank account,” he asked. “Your pictures better be worth it.” I assured him that he would not be disappointed. I thought to myself the type of husband he would be. If we were to go by first impressions, this wasn’t it at all.

Anyway, the traditional ceremony was over by 6:30pm. As I was going back to where I lodged, I decided to stop by the nearest atm to get some cash. You would not believe who pulled up right ahead of me. Guess again. You got it. The very groom I met a few hours earlier. He was going back home and pulled over at the sight of a lady in front of the bank.

He started asking the lady the usual questions: Where are you going, What’s your name, etc. I was shocked all over again. I thought this guy just got married. For heaven’s sake, the evidence was still fresh on my Olympus e500 dslr. Within 2 minutes I was surprised to see the lady write on a piece of paper what seemed to be her phone number. She gave it to the groom and he promised to call her.

I watched from a distance and would have been caught red-handed had I given into my instincts to bring out my camera to record the moment. He smiled to himself and had the look of someone who just got another trophy. That should count for another record in the Guinness Book: shortest time to get a lady stranger to give you her phone number. It would have taken me at least 50 minutes.

I asked myself why he decided to get married at all. I would later find out that the bride was pregnant and he had no choice but to go to the altar. Or maybe he loved her. Who knows.

Well the drama continued the next day. It was the church wedding. He arrived about 30 minutes late. With eyes all red & a tired look he apologized to family members for his shortcoming.

I later learnt that his bachelor’s party was the night before and he had the experience of his life. He went to bed drunk and woke up late. His best man who was supposed to be his ‘alarm clock’ was also a co-culprit. They finally got to the wedding and I was happy it wasn’t a scenario in which the groom changed his mind. Maybe it would have been better for the bride if he had changed his mind. I don’t know.

He was able to win the praise, admiration & forgiveness of the pastors when he donated a “large amount” in dollars for the church’s building project. The way the pastors prayed for him was almost a sign that he was guaranteed to make heaven. The pastors were happy, he was happy that they were happy & I was shocked all over again. “What a groom,” I thought to myself.

The award-winning moment finally came when the pastor was about to JOIN the couple. “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife……” While the pastor was still speaking he looked back over to where his best man was sitting. Winking at him, he signalled with his head that the best man should take a look at his hands. His two hands were positioned at his back and looking at his fingers, I got the message he was trying to send the best man: HIS FINGERS WERE CROSSED.

“….till death do you part,” the pastor concluded. With fingers still crossed, he replied “Yes I do.” Can you believe that. Crossing his fingers, smiling and making such a commitment. I was shocked all over again. I never knew a groom like that existed.

For those of us that might not know the meaning of crossed-fingers, it signifies a high level of unseriousness when a promise is being made. In other words, if I were to cross my fingers and promise to cover your wedding at no cost to you, DO NOT TRUST ME because I’M JUST JOKING. That was what the groom was saying: DON’T TAKE MY WORD TO THE BANK.

So it is to that effect that I present the award for THE WORST GROOM OF THE CENTURY to ……. Well, he knows himself. I don’t want to be ambushed on my way to work tomorrow for mentioning names. May God help his wife. May God help all the grooms & husbands out there making promises with crossed fingers. May God help us all.

If you were the photographer that saw his fingers crossed, what will you do?

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17 comments

  1. eofure · December 22, 2011

    Hmmmmm… na wa oh!

    Like

  2. Anonymous · December 22, 2011

    Seun this is wot edo ppl go call Osanobua/ Hmmmm i fear for the lady

    Like

  3. praisefowowe · December 22, 2011

    Unbelieveable

    Like

  4. Anonymous · December 22, 2011

    Mo gbe!!!

    Like

  5. lateeisha · December 22, 2011

    The Pastors that preach “no sex before marriage” are not foolish oh. They know what they are saying. If these couple didn’t have sex before marriage, the pregnancy wouldn’t have evolved and the girl wouldn’t have been stuck with marrying this knucklehead of a guy….or maybe that was what she wanted…who knows. I wish them all the best!!

    Like

  6. Oluwaseunfunmi Betty Abegunde · December 22, 2011

    Can u imagine! Ladies beware.

    Like

  7. Anonymous · December 22, 2011

    NA WA O…. ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE DEY THIS WORLD. WHAT COULD YOU HAVE DONE?? I HOPE THE WIFE UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE WAS GETTING INTO.

    Like

  8. Gladys Ebireri · December 23, 2011

    I don’t care if the girl was pregnant. I strongly believe she was better off as a single mom than married to such a fellow. Who knows, by now, she’s probably had another child for him, gone through hell in his hands and been abandoned by him. Ending up exactly where she didn’t want to- a single mom.

    Like

  9. Anonymous · December 23, 2011

    Seun. This piece is mind blowing…LMAO…Dind’t know you had such great talent at writing. I still think this piece must have been a joke.

    Like

    • elophotos · December 23, 2011

      it was no joke at all. thanks for the compliment. Hoping to write a book one day. maybe I’ll title it “DIARY OF A MAD BLACK PHOTOGRAPHER”

      Like

  10. Anonymous · December 27, 2011

    I ve bin laughin al tru u knw? Wat a groom indeed. If i ws d fotografa on his wedin day, i ll tak his pictures al d same cos he’s already paid me bt i ll dem concentrat more on dose moments dat gave him d award winin as d worst groom of d century. May God help d bride

    Like

  11. Linda Adigun · January 13, 2012

    what an asshole groom. i’d be quite sad covering that wedding. that groom can go act for hangover 3, he fits the bill.

    Like

  12. Anonymous · April 13, 2012

    there is every likely chance of divorce for them.but oga seun you should have snaped d atm part now…nice 1 sir

    Like

    • elophotos · April 13, 2012

      i was in a state of shock and could take pictures with my camera. interestingly though, the couple is still together. perhaps, the man is a changed man now 🙂 it is well

      Like

  13. Anonymous · April 13, 2012

    But wait, I thought Crossed fingers means you’re wishing for good luck or something like that.. Does not mean he was unserious about it though

    Like

    • elophotos · April 14, 2012

      I guess it depends on the culture one was raised in. It is very possible that “wishing for goodluck” was what the groom intended. It’s just the mischief surrounding the whole thing that made me believe otherwise. But then again, I could be wrong. Thanks for the clarification though

      Like

  14. Miko · April 13, 2012

    The couple will still be together: I’ve seen worse and us women know how to endure….

    Like

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